Friday, January 21, 2005

CLEAR! Gettin' Hoggy with it

One does not dine at an establishment called Hoggy's with an expectation of finding a menu replete with sprouts and tofu. My expectations were realistic, but still I was unprepared for the unabashed orgy of cholesterol and carnivorism that is the Hoggy's experience.

When the onion ring appetizer arrived we were astonished to see that it consisted of about two dozen rings the size of bagels. Just being near them I could feel my arteries clogging.

My pork tenderloin was breaded, fried, and the size of a hubcap. It rested on an avalanche of mashed potatoes. What with the cornbread and the cole slaw, I gave up before consuming two thirds of my dinner. My waif of a daughter could barely lift her pulled pork sandwich, and I was in such a swine-induced stupor that I have no recollection of what my wife ordered, only that there was a lot of it. The food was very good, actually, but it's the kind of stuff that makes you want to go home and do sit-ups until you pass out.

The Hoggy's menu offers a free t-shirt to anyone who can successfully meet The Hoggy Challenge. This involves chowing down "a half slab of ribs, BBQ 1/2 Chicken, Puled Pork sandwich, two side dishes & cornbread." I have no idea what the t-shirt looks like, but I wouldn't be at all surprise if it features two carefully placed circles and a slogan that says "Place defibrillator paddles here."

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